candles in a room…

     I want to share a thought I had with you good folks… maybe it is worth your time… maybe it is garbage, but I was having a conversation about depression with someone. I won’t get into the details of that… but in that conversation it led me to an analogy. One of those things that just popped into my head out of nowhere, after which I thought was so brilliant I even surprised myself… so then I thought how can I apply that to my life. And poof another thought… all those thoughts and it did not hurt or anything 😉

 

     So maybe at another time I can touch on the depression issue in the same way I was able to with this other person… but for now and for my journey I will only write about how I will use it to in turn help myself.  I have heard many times that by helping others we in turn really help ourselves… and this here proves just that! And if by writing this out and someone reads it and they too can use it, well so much the better 🙂 the more “light” we have in the world the less dark it will be, and that will make more sense later lol

 

      So for my fellow weight loss enthusiasts… say you have a bad breakfast… or a bad lunch… then something bad happened at work and you get home later than you want… or for those that stay at home already, your kids come home or spouse comes home in a bad mood and everything in the air is just foul that day. Those are the days I dread… the days I just want to say forget it… no tracking points, no worries about nutritional info… I just want to throw some food together and eat and not think about anything else. Today is crap and I just want tomorrow to come so I can start over. I mean that sounds like a good plan right?  It will make you feel better right? Well until tomorrow… when you remember what you ate as you start tracking again… what if you have a whole week like that? And then before you know it is a month, then a season… and now we are looking at just waiting until after the holidays. I know all of this from experience. I have done it time and time again… and each time if I could track it back, I would track it back to one day… where it started off bad and I just said forget it.

 

     So here is my analogy… what would you do if you walked into a dimly lit room that only had a few candles burning… that room represents your day… you’re walking around and you can see the stuff around you, you know what is there, but it is so dim it’s getting hard to make things out. That is how I feel when I mess up… like I wonder why I am even doing this. What is the point, will anyone else even care. In the dim room that is my day goals seem blurred and hard to make out, it matters less and less the more I think about it.

 

     So you’re in this dimly lit room… what do you do? Common sense says turn on a light… light another candle, throw back the curtains if it is daylight… so then why do we walk into that room and blow out more candles… we have a bad lunch… we then go home and have a bad dinner because the day is ruined is like walking into the room  to see it is dim kinda in a funk and we make it darker. And the worse it gets the darker we make it… then in turn the worse we feel yet again.

 

     Light a candle… don’t blow it out… every time you have a bad day with food you can’t spiral into that black hole and let it swallow you… you can’t walk into that dim room and think it will get better by making it pitch black… oh and guess what… no matter how dark it is… no matter how black a room gets, the smallest candle will shine.

 

      So no more walking into dimly lit rooms and making them worse… make it better!!! Light only makes you feel better, and the more you do it the easier it gets.

 

      Last week I hit 25 lbs in my weight loss journey… I have not done it alone. I have an awesome support group in Weight Watchers, I have amazing friends that not only keep me up with my activity but also give me tons of support with everything else. And I have a family cheering me on from the sideline… I am blessed and I know it. Not everyone has that and I understand it is not easy… but find whatever you can to keep your room from getting dark. Keep those candles burning and do not get frustrated and blow them out! Once they are all out, it is tough to find your matches to light them again!

 

 

 

   Smile… it can be the light that brightens someone’s otherwise dark day!

Drive…

Drive: an innate, biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need.

          So I have been told several times in my life that people wish they had half the “Drive” that I do… I have also been complimented using these words: passion, willpower, self-control, self-discipline…. well anyway I think you get the idea.

          See my thoughts on all of that is I just don’t buy into that, at least for myself. I mean people with drive love what they do… people with drive push everything away to get what they need for that goal. Normally when someone is talking about these things to me it is either in regards to my weight loss or my cycling. But I struggle, boy do I struggle every day with what I eat and trying to control how much. Where is the drive in that? it’s not a matter of just wanting to and doing it… I have to fight to tell myself over and over and over not to eat this or eat that. Not to go to places where I do not already know the menu and have a good meal planned. But even then at times I have to pick up lunch for friends or family at places I should not be eating and it is a struggle to not get that French fry to snack on in the truck, or to eat that burger because they taste so good. Where is the drive then? To help curb those thoughts and feelings… I always pictured people with drive as people with tunnel vision or blinders on… the only thing they see is the goal and nothing else bothers them. My blinders are broken… they sometimes magnify the things I should not have and then push the goal farther away or at least make it look farther away or harder than it is… sometimes I fall for it… but mainly I just try to close my eyes and focus. I guess that is where willpower and self-control come in so I can kind of get those two. But it is such a hard fight… a constant struggle every day when it comes to just eating whatever I want because everything sounds soo good. I was cursed with the ability to cook and cook well… and there are few foods I do not like so my taste is as broad as my imagination.

         That brings me to cycling… where to start… I do not love it… for many that will sound odd, but it is what I have chosen as the vehicle to do charity work and get fit. I am limited by my health (knees) so there are few things I can do. I am by nature a pack animal, I love people. All shapes, ages, sizes… cycling feeds into that as well. Actually riding the bike? some days I truly love it… other days I would like to chuck that stupid bike off a bridge. It’s an activity that makes me feel great about myself and then inferior all in the same ride… pushing pushing pushing… It does help work out some aggression in my life with work and home, a place to leave it out on the road… as well as a place to get in great activity that is great for my heart and the rest of my body. So I have been told that someone wished they had the passion for something like I seem to have for cycling… but I think the passion is for the people I have met through cycling… the people I ride for both living and those that have passed. The passion is for the final outcome that I hope and pray becomes a reality.

         I guess I will end this here… my lingering thought is this… I wonder if the people who seem to have drive and passion for those things we see them doing… truly feel that way. Or if maybe they just picked what they could do and stuck with it trying to be the best they could. I wonder if there is even a difference or if that truly is what drive and passion really are. Much like love, not all flowers and rainbows but multifaceted and deeper than it appears. Including the muck and the grime and even the hate for something… just another natural progression…

Smile… even if your passion is not as deep as it seems… maybe it will encourage someone else nonetheless, just be thankful people look close enough to even notice.

Waiting for results…

                Well it’s once again Thursday and it is my weigh in day… I am was little apprehensive about that because I really did not feel like my scale at home  or at work had moved much this week. I had picked up my activity this week… getting in about 30 min or more of walking in each day, I did some work on my bike working the overpasses only about 12 miles but It was a good work out. Then on Tuesday I did a spin class for the first time in about 4 years or more. And let me tell you something about a spin class, you will see a lot of people roll their eyes and mock it… but I have never seen anyone do it and not walk away with an all new respect. This class is as hard or as easy as you can stand… although the bike is not like a traditional bicycle meaning you cannot stop and it will “coast” you are in control of the tension yourself. the instructor will make suggestions but it is up to you to increase or decrease your tension as needed.  But it is a 55 min cardio blast… your heart rate will be going… you will be drenched… and you will walk away with a new respect for the word “hover” just trust me lol.

                So with all that said I stood there in line at the meeting going over in my head everything I had eaten and trying to figure out what I could have done differently. Getting closer to my time to weigh in and get the news… the results of the weeks choices… and there I was… down 3 lbs this week! I was truly surprised and happy to hear it.

                My weight loss goals are rather large for the year but at this rate I know I will make it… also I have a date in May that I want to have a good bit of it gone by because of the big ride I am training for. The weight is just as important as the training at this point. So I was very happy at the results I received.

                Well it is late… so I need to get in bed but I wanted to share this news and I hope all of you have an amazing weekend and stay safe.

 

   Smile… even when you doubt yourself… as long as you have done well the results will show it! 

Coming Down and getting back up…

Coming Down and getting back up…

Today I finally took all my Christmas stuff down, I have been a bit under the weather but the cold Meds had kicked in and I wanted to take advantage of it and get some stuff done. So with a little work I got it all done. My son came by to help me get it all put up in the attic in my garage and with that another Christmas season gone. This is a pretty down time of the year for me… going from all the beautiful lights and garlands all over the house to none… my house is just as full as it was before Christmas I know that, but it just feels empty. On a side note to top it off my work has no holidays at all from here until April… ugh…

Now for the good part of my day, I went out to meet up with some cycling friends and other cyclists in my area. We had a challenge last year where we would ride to a brewery in Alaska… well ok only virtually… we would log our miles and email them in each week so that they could be added to a spread sheet that was sent out to the group. The total miles in the end needed to add up to the distance to the brewery. Having fun hitting virtual mile stones along the way. We really do have a good group of people to cycle with in this area… and not only are they super supportive of most things cycling related, but they are also a great support group for almost anything else as well. Well there were only 3 people that actually hit that mile stone of over 4 thousand miles this year. I myself only logged just over 3,600 it was a bit more than that but I was well off the mark. This year they picked a different route as well as a few different options, the first challenge is the mileage from a local bike shop here in town to a dock in California… that is over 2900 miles which is very doable. To add to that challenge you can then go up the coast to the space needle in Seattle Washington… and if you really want to take the challenge to its limits you can then come back home to NC from there… I have a feeling at least one person in our group will push to do that this year. For me I think I will try the Seattle mile stone. If I can do that I will be more than happy.

I did happen to Join a cycling group that is closer to the mountains though… with the hope that I can get some info on training for a big ride I plan on signing up for in February. The assault on MT. Mitchell, this will single handedly be the toughest one day ride I have ever attempted in my life. I am both excited and scared… but man with the people I have around me here all I need to do is but ask and I will have all the support I need. Now time to just get back on the bike…

I also did weigh in on Friday… it was disgusting and heart breaking. I have never had so much weight on my body. This will be a huge challenge and before myself I have put a soft goal of dropping 40-45 lbs before the Mt. Mitchell ride on May 19th. So well there it is… in the year of no promises I have set quite a few challenges for myself, but I know one thing… weather I complete the ride or drop every single pound, I know I have a good deal of support around me. And that alone makes it all worth it… for a change I am doing this for me, because honestly I am worth it… I am a pretty good person I think and for a change I need to get better for me…. oh and I also have to get off my butt and earn that expensive bike I bought last year as an upgrade lol 🙂

Well folks have a great week and keep warm it’s going to be cold outside.

Smile… it’s one of the most healing things you can do… and you can just hope it catches on

Apprehension…

Apprehension…

I signed back up for Weight Watchers today and I get to go and weigh in tonight. This will be the first time I see most of these people sense I did my beard challenge and video last summer. Where I lost over 45lbs and was doing awesome. ( Beard weight loss video )

Now I get to face them… with no doubt in my mind I am heavier now than I was when I started out way back when. A few things in mind though… I have done it once… so I know I can do it again. Secondly… these are truly amazing people in these meetings who have all had their ups and downs; many are life time members and have seen it all. So my apprehension may be for not… but it is still there.

For any of you who are doing the same thing as I am… who are trying to lose weight and make a change in your life regardless of what the change is. Lend me your ear for a moment. I want to plead with you… even beg if I have to; do not make any changes for someone else. Do not change anything in your life to make someone else happy, or to hopefully see a change in them. If you do this, and that person does not change, and what you hopped for does not happen the chances are great that it will all crash back down on you, except you won’t care because you will not see a point. Do this, whatever “this” might be… maybe it is smoking… or eating… or working out… no matter what it is… make the change for you. Be the change you want to see in the world… love yourself first the way you want others to love you. But always remember there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence.

As always I cram a ton of thoughts into a short little blog… so let me leave you with something else I decided to do today with a savings account I have… it’s called the 52 week Money challenge… what you decide to do with it will be up to you… me? I will use it to pay a big chunk out of a bill. Be it a few extra car payments… an extra mortgage payment… whatever it might be… if you’re wondering what this plan is here is a simple PDF you can print off…

https://www.affinityplus.org/Portals/0/Documents/Blog/52Week.pdf

well that is all for now… wish me luck tonight… I get to go back to the meeting and face the music… but once the music plays instead of putting my head down in shame I have decided to do something different. I am going to dance!!

Smile… even in failure a smile is reassurance you have learned something… and if you learn something it is not a failure after all. You only fail when you refuse to learn from your mistakes. I am sure some smart man somewhere has said something close to that…

(side note… I know I over use “…” but I am ok with that)

2014 No Promises

2014 The year of no promises…

I will not promise to be a better person…

I will not promise to lose weight…

I will not promise to change how I interact with my family…

I will not promise to save money…

I will not promise to manage vacation time…

I will not promise…

This year I refuse to make any promises in regards to changing myself… this is not a resolution… this is just a statement. By definition as promise is a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future.

So let me explain… I am not a wizard, nor am I omnipotent, psychic, a fortune-teller, or a god in any form. I know there are a lot of things in this life that I would “like” to happen and honestly as much as I believe we are the masters of our own fate. I know that little in this life we truly have complete control of other than how we re-act to situations around us. Our feelings and emotions though influenced by others and out surroundings… are still ours and ours alone to control.

I would love to promise to get published, ride seven thousand miles, finish all my cycling goals, lose all the weight and have a 6 pack, get father of the year award, have my personal life work out all of its kinks, give more to those who need, and learn to cook something new. But what if in this blog I promise you all of those things… and tomorrow I get hit by a truck. I know a bit drastic… but a promise is really not good for much.

What I am going to do is quietly work to do all of those things I listed above. I will not make big big goals and put a ton of pressure on myself, I will not twist people’s arms and guilt them into helping me do this or that because it is what “I” want them to do or because “I” need their help. I will share my success with my friends, family and loved ones… and I will not have any defeats… because I will constantly be trying to improve. Minor setbacks maybe… but I have made no promises so I have nothing to apologize for… if I attempt a ride that I am unable to finish, well I have learned from it, a limitation that I can use as a tool to know what I need to work on… it is not a failure in any way. But a chance to learn and grow… if I have a week or two that I gain weight instead of lose I have not promised anyone that I will, because honestly my weight has nothing to do with anyone in this world but me. It’s my weight… my food… my activity… and if I have a bad week or two… then I will know again my limitations. I will not get mad or angry, I will simply move on.

2014 is going to be my year to better myself with less stress… a promise adds stress, it forces you to perform when you just might not want to. In the past I have used it as a tool to “force” myself to do things. And honestly it has worked many many times for me. But in the end when I meet the goal I promised, I slack off and whatever I worked hard to do is quickly undone because after my promised goal I just drift… this time it will be different.

So here is to 2014 and my year of less stress and less promises… I will be healthier and happier… I will accomplish amazing things… and I will uncomplicated the things in my life that make it more complicated. There is nothing and no one in this world you must have to live… no one person or thing you cannot live without… so the people and things you have in your life need to be there for your benefit and theirs. If they are crippling you and not making you better, lose it… if something is costing you more money than you see a benefit… lose it… If a club or organization is no longer fun and you no longer enjoy it quit. You have but one life to live, and I believe we have no set paths… you chose where you go, and there is an unlimited amount of choices. So do what you love and love what you do 😉 (I read that on a coffee cup but it fits).

This is my first blog of 2014… my blog of nothing… and of no promises 🙂

Smile… it relieves stress and makes you feel better… do you really need any other reasons?

shaving off the pounds, a time lapse year long beard & weight loss project! Outstanding results!

A year long beard project that hides the weight loss in my face as I change my diet and exercise and lose over 45 lbs.

A lot of fun… follow the journey and the big shave and reveal in the end. I finished this challenge only to start training for another… I do a lot of charity work and I have an important ride comming up in September, a ride that hold a special place in my heart. If you enjoyed the video and do not mind taking the time, check out my fund raising page… you do not have to donate, but a few kind words and encuragment never hurts. Thank you 🙂
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/DouglasMB

Beard Project… Completed!!!

 A little over a year ago i started my beard/weight loss project and well it has come full circle… never would I have thought it would have taken this long to complete. But like many of you know when it comes to weight loss, life just gets in the way.

 

 But my plan was to grow out my beard until I hit a milestone of losing 45 lbs. and well as of my last official weigh in i am down 46.4 lbs. So that past weekend I was able to shave the beard and really see the results in my face… not I have seen it in my clothes and the way I feel, but my beard has hidden my face and that was basically the point… soooo here it is… my shaving off the pounds youtube video… enjoy 🙂

 

http://youtu.be/JRaMHl6Q_FM

 and here is a link to the music from that video… he was kind enough to let me use his musical genius so please visit his page tell him what you think 🙂

  Flint Zeigler

 

  thank you for reading!!!

Fish cakes… puppies… lemons…

  First recipe…

 

I have to start off by saying holy crap!!! I was skimming through this cook book and I am in way over my head here… I am cooking with stuff I have never heard of or even know how to get. The thing I chose tonight was something that has the simplest ingredients eventhough there were a few I had never heard of and had no idea how to find…

 

OK for starters at some point I am going to end up making something called…

Tandoori Poussins with mango relish… ummm OK half of you can pretend all you want that you knew exactly what a Poussin was… but I had no idea and I was scared. Lol so I called the local butcher (and I am in a small city) and he was clueless… so I am not sure what I am going to do lol evidently it is the chickens equivalent to veil, it’s a teenage chicken… won’t that be fun?

 

But onto tonight’s great adventure… Fish cakes with anchovy dressing… now take into consideration anchovies were something my uncle teased me with as a child to gross us kids out… I never really liked them much and hated them even more when I worked in a pizza place and they stunk the joint up… but the recipe was simple enough… or at least so I thought…

 

ingredients:

• 14oz waxy potatoes
• 2 tsp olive oil
• finely grated rind of 1 large lemon
• 2-3 tbsp lemon juice
• sea salt
• black pepper
• few thyme sprigs
• ½ lemon, sliced
• 10oz salmon fillet
• 10oz smoked haddock fillet
• handful of Italian parsley chopped
• handful of chervil, chopped
• 3 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 2 medium eggs
• 1 cup panko bread crumbs
• 2 tbsp olive oil

 

Anchovy dressing:

• 2 tbsp capers
• 2 shallots
• Italian parsley
• 4 marinated anchovies
• 4 tbsp olive oil

 

 

OK first… I did not know what a “waxy” potato was… I had never heard of chervil or how to find it… and I had heard “capers” before but only on cooking shows and had no idea what they really were.

 

I get to the store and all they have is the salmon and no haddock so I just doubled the salmon. After spending an hour in the store… because I am a guy… looking for stuff and not asking anyone what or where some things might be, it was almost like a scavenger hunt. My wife is on her phone looking up the things we had never heard of… while I was choosing the fish and trying to get the other stuff.

 

After some time passes in the store we finally find everything… except the chervil was dry and not fresh but at this point I did not care I was ready to be out of there and get home to cook. Well let me tell you another rookie mistake I made… I did not read the recipe all the way through before I started and I will get to why that was a problem in a bit.

 

So peel the potatoes and get them on the stove that was easy enough even for a guy like me…

 

while that was going I take care of the lemon and get it ready and put it in dishes to be used once the potatoes are finished… that was when the evil person in me decides to find out if our puppy likes lemon lol… and sure enough he loved it hahaha that was a great thing to watch for a little while…

 

next it was time to poach the fish with the thyme and a little olive oil and salt…

 

with that finished and the potatoes done I mash them… add the lemon and the parsley as directed…

 

then it was cool enough to separate the skin from the salmon and chunk it up a bit… the recipe calls for you to remove the bones but I did not see any…

 

mixing up the potato and the fish and the rest of the spices… you form them into patties… this is where I did not read ahead. At this point you should put them in the fridge for a couple hours to get them to hold their shape while you dip them in egg and put them in the panko bread crumbs, I did not do that so they were falling apart in my hands… but through several curse words and such I got it done…

 

time for the “dressing” I think I did something wrong here because the picture shows a “sauce” but mine was pretty dry even after trying to thin it out some… maybe I should have used wine instead of drinking it… it had just been one of those days I am sure you understand… with the shallots cut I move on to the rest…

 

I bounce back and forth from the “dressing the the browning of the cakes… with the cakes browned I put them on a sheet to go into the oven where I finish the rest…

 

Parsley… capers… oil… anchovies… simmer

 

finished product…. served with peas… yeah of they are the steam able microwave kind… sue me… paired with the wine it was actually really good everyone in the house who ate it loved it… I may do it again sometime.

 

So this was my first adventure into the Gordon Ramsay’s Healthy Appetite cookbook… I hope you enjoyed reading my adventure… the next ones will be really interesting I mean I have to clean a squid…. not sure sure I will like that… or that anyone else in my family will even attempt to try it haha…

 

Smile… cooking is a new adventure every time you try something new! 

Cooking with Gordon

Cooking with Gordon

       I bought this book lat last year with the plans on cooking a few things out of it each week starting in January. But with the hectic holiday I had, then the crazy January, I honestly just forgot about it. As I was moving things around in my house trying to make room for things that came from a grandparent that had passed I found the book again, and with it my goals for the book came back.

 

      OK OK don’t laugh, yes the movie Julie and Julia gave me a bit of inspiration because I truly love most of the work that Ramsay does on TV. I love to watch him go in and turn over complicated menus into simple works of art. But I am no chef or even an aspiring chef.. heck I really can’t even consider myself a foodie or a food snob… there is very little that I do not enjoy, and I love to cook for people with my limited abilities. So with the movie as my inspiration I wanted to try something new. Not just new but I also needed to get more healthy so instead of the butter and lard rich French foods in the movie from their cook book. I sot out and found a healthy living cookbook from my favorite person.

 

      Maybe the idea is played out… maybe I will make a mockery of this food… but maybe I will get a few things right. I will honestly tell you that if I end up doing this all the way through from cover to cover and get 75% of it right than anyone reading this who knows how to boil water will be able to do the same.

 

      My game plan is to attempt to cook two things a week… I may be able to work in a few more, I might even attempt a few videos and or at very least tons of pictures to show you what I use and how I do it. I will not be nearly as fast as the chefs you see on TV, my kitchen is very plain and I will probably have to buy many things to do this because I doubt I have the tools to take on such a book… but I will do my best and you guys can laugh with me as I make a mess of things.

 

      Thank you for reading and I hope to have the first thing cooked in a few days… I have yet to decide in what order I will go but once I figure it out I will post a schedule of sorts. Thanks again and enjoy…

   

Smile… The food cooked and given to you out of love beats any material thing bought with spite…