Archive for October, 2012


 You know those cool coin collectors normally for a charity of some kind… you drop your coin in a slot and you are mesmerized at you watch it go around and around this funnel of sorts… the smaller the opening the faster the coin seems to go… round and round and round… until poof it stops and you hear a clink of metal as it falls and meets it fate with the rest of the wayward coins tossed to oblivion.


  I fell much like that coin… I could blame the weather… or the holiday… I could blame TV and the advertisers… I could blame society… I could blame “the Man” who ever the hell he is… I could blame anyone I really feel like. I mean we live in that age where no matter who I blame someone will stand with me and pat me on the back and tell me, “It’s not your fault…” someone will stand there with me pretending to “help” me, telling me it is only natural I do what I do because of someone or something else, so I should not feel bad or be hard on myself… it’s to be expected… I am only human… no one is perfect… blah blah blah… these are things I will hear.


  I call bullshit! Absolute 110% bullshit!


 Ya know… it is my fault… I am to blame… and no I will not feel ok with it. I need to get pissed off, I need to feel bad, I need not to sugar coat the fact that for a moment I failed. I messed up… no one else to blame. No one shoved food in my face, no one forced me to eat, and no one stopped me from not working out and made me play video games all day. I did it. Just me… “The Man” well he was probably jogging and getting ready to screw someone else because I was an easy mark screwing myself over, I did not need any help.


  Ok now that all that is out of the way… I know many people fall into the same trap… well meaning friends and family wanting to make you feel better, consoling you and telling you that tomorrow is a new day. Ya know tomorrow is not promised… spit the crap out and do 20 sit ups… get angry… do 20 pushups… get disgusted and go for a 5 mile walk… something other than getting complacent and thinking that it is ok. That it is normal to shovel loads of crap into your face and consuming 2 and 3 times your normal daily cal intake without lifting a finger to work out. That is not normal… that is making and keeping you fat. Yes FAT!!! Not kinda big… not fluffy… not full figured… FAT! I’m sick of this touchy feely being ok with who you are crap… if who you are, was great you could find clothes that fit…. If who you are, was awesome you could climb a flight of stairs without grabbing your chest… if who you are, was perfect you would look in the mirror and think “look at me I’m sexy”. 


  This weekend I dropped my coin in the collector it started out slow… bad food choices no exercise… then more bad choices… then more late night bad choices…. Pizza, cupcakes, candy, cookies, fast food, hot wings, chips, dip, soda, it just kept coming… and I told myself I had been so good for so long I deserved it… WHAT?? AM I STUPID? I have been good so I deserve it? Deserve to go backwards and mess up what I worked so hard to fix? Just because it starts out that I can’t ride my bike and snowballs from there… NO… it stops now!


 It was my fault… I am to blame… I will fix it… I am angry!



  Smile… let your anger at yourself fuel you to be better, instead of the pushing you to fail even more. 


Many times in life we come to a point where we want life to just stop… we want to pause the game and get a drink or stretch. We want to clean out the old files and defrag everything to just make it run smoother… but life unlike a game is not quite that simple… or is it? I mean maybe we just complicate it… muddle up our thoughts with more thoughts and then we ask people their thought about the thought we had and we are now stuck with their thoughts on our original thought… now we are insane… all the voices in our head and no room for our own anymore. So many people telling us how we should do this and that, telling us how we should and should not let people treat us. Telling us how to lose weight, how to cook our food, how to raise our children… all these people with great ideas who have learned from their own mistakes and just want to make sure you don’t make the same…. Ctrl-Alt-Delete… shutdown… reset… whatever you like… we need to take more time instead of listening to other people… but sit and be quiet and listen to ourselves. What is truly deep inside of us… no not that… that is just gas… but inside our minds and hearts. We tend to get buried and struggle to get out from under our own lives… but it is our own life; to do with as we see fit to let in or out anyone we want. So why do we make it so hard? Why not just defrag? Ok ok so maybe it will not be like your computer and maybe it will not just take a few hours… maybe a true defrag of our mind body and soul can take a few weeks… months… even years… but what do you have to lose? That same old file you have buried deep deep down keeps hanging you up over and over again… why not find it and get rid of it or repair it once and for all? Why keep putting off facing the old software issues why not just update it or delete it?


  Many of you may or may not know I have been working on a beard challenge of my own. In May I decided to not shave my face until I lost 45 lbs. It has been absolute hell… truly… but here it is October 25th and I am about 30lbs smaller and am getting really close to my goal. I wanted to lose 60 lbs by the end of the year but that does not look like it will happen. But I will at least get a good shave in J I have fought through birthdays and dinners, lodge events and family gatherings but with the help and support of both my family and my online friends I have done well I think.  I will include a scary starting picture… and then my picture as of a few days ago so you can get an idea of the furry progress…

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  I am attempting to defrag my life… one fat cell at a time… but I am coming to realize the fat cells are not the only thing you need to work on but the other aspects too… the things that lead to food in a negative way as well as the bad things in your life that affect everyone around you.


 So I guess this blog is about un-cluttering and defragging your life so you can be happier both inside and out. And just never losing sight of who you are or what it is you want to be. Listen to your own voice and never let anyone else drowned it out… in the end your voice should be the only one inside your head. Not even mine J


  Have a great holiday…. Dress up…. let go and have some fun… I will post some pictures of my own scary Halloween fun.


  Smile… you get one shot at this life… don’t clutter it up with things that weigh your heart down… fill it with things that set your heart free