Where do you start? Writing this blog is like going into a garage full of stuff and sitting down in the middle of it you look around and know where everything came from, you also look around and know what you want to do… but knowing where to start and staying focused is hard.
I guess I’ll just hit the important stuff or at least the things that are important today… important to me anyway.
Christmas came this year and I was so ready for it. Starting before Thanksgiving I had been listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies, I was trying to find that warm fuzzy, I really needed it. Things had been crazy and I was looking for a way to make it all better. At that time I was trying to write my NanoWriMo story and balance work, and home, my food, my weight loss, weight watchers meetings, loseit challenges, track my food, my activity and cycling, and… and… and… two teenage children and enough animals to make Noah think I was crazy. I found out the hard way that my body is just done and fed up with me attempting any more impact activity, I attempted one last body boot camp and for weeks I had trouble walking that was a hard blow to deal with. I am a physical, competitive person who prides himself in knowing nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough. Well sometimes we have to know our limits, but learning them is never easy.
Because I was sore I found myself starting to make a lot of excuses but behind every excuse is a person trying to find a reason “why” they did not do something. We always tend to need to know why… why can’t I lose weight, why can’t I make more money, why can’t I have more energy… well it’s funny we ask the questions and we do not want the answer. Well not the real answer I mean we already know the answer if we are asking the question. If we are totally honest with ourselves and I mean really stripped down naked, honest to god truth, swear on a grave and throw a bible in there kind of honest then we really have the answers. We know what we need to do to lose weight… we know how to make more money… we know how to get more energy… but when we ask “why” we are really looking for some magical unicorn to take us to the fat free candy mountain full of riches and pills that give us exactly what we want without any work or effort.
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That is the add we want to believe in… we want to call the 800 number and have someone at a call center ship us the magic box full of guilt free, work free, sit on your couch and do nothing kind of answers. Well I found myself in a position where I was all most ready to call the 800 number; I mean if I called and it did not work it would not be my fault. Then I could blame someone else… I mean it is what we are good at right? Not standing up and taking the blame for our mistakes. It’s always someone else’s fault. I was letting too many people in my head and keeping me from doing what I knew I needed to. I fell into the trap of wanting things too fast and pushing too hard, I needed to step away and really look again at myself.
Well life is funny that way, I decided to take the holiday as a time to step back a little and enjoy because I was not going to make my goal, so I might as well just relax. Once I made that decision it felt like a weight had been lifted… once the weight was lifted I understood fully what I had been doing wrong. I will save that for another blog though…
Right before the holiday a family member went into the hospital; he had been in a nursing home for some time and had just been told that it was going to have to become his permanent home. It really broke my heart to think of him there, so as ugly as it sounds, to be completely honest and bare… I just did not think about it. I have a million excuses as to why I did not do more, or visit him more but in hindsight none of them sound good anymore. When you think you have tomorrow every excuse sounds good, when tomorrow is gone all you have is regret. And well 7 days after he went into the hospital he passed on from this world. And regret surrounded me like water rushing from a broken dam… I hardened myself because I knew I would have to pick up and help take care of so many lose ends. The family had been going through a lot of other personal issues and it was a really bad time, it is never a good time to lose a loved one, but with other family issues and Christmas it was just compounded. The man that passed was a man unlike any other I have ever met. I have met a lot of people in my time on this earth and I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt he was truly one of a kind. He loved me like a son treated me with respect when I did not deserve it, loved me when I did not love myself or anyone around me. I can say he never said he did not have time for me, or for anyone else. A true to the word, “shirt of his back” kind of man, and this world is a little darker with him gone.
The family took the loss hard; my son in his own quiet way had a tough time of it. His emotions were not as open as most everyone else’s, but he had a special relationship with this man and the loss he will feel for a long time. Last week in one of his classes he wrote something that he said I could share… when I read it, it really hit home for me.
Whenever you see an old man sitting on a bench or walking slowly along a road, you may think they’re not able to do very much, and you may be right but, it’s the knowledge and wisdom that comes with old age that shows what they can really do. You should always carry respect for the older people just because of what they’ve been through their entire lives.
Ever since I was a kid my grandfather has taught me many things. He’s taught me a little bit about everything from a little on God, to crabbing. Just about everything that he’s taught me I still use today in life. It’s not until someone passes away that you learn how great and important to so many people that person really was. My grandfather would give everything from physical objects to his own time to people who needed it the most. He cared about people, he even prayed for the bad ones.
This is why I believe old men are wise. They’ve had a whole life to learn anything they want to and they can share their wisdom and knowledge with whomever they so please. When my grandfather was still here on earth he would go to church Sunday mornings, afternoons and on Wednesdays. He was a godly man is I ever knew one. Seeing as he was waise there must be a reason why he spent so much time with God. Now here’s there, believed to be in heaven, spending time with God and his wife.
It’s sad the way some people pass away, but in the end it will happen to everyone. You really just need to live life to the fullest, he did, and he enjoyed what he had while he was able to. He was a smart man, about everything he did. He was wise.
Written by my son for his English class
Well I believe I have the start of a good man on my hands… and his great grandfather has helped to shape him in many good ways. Sitting in the middle of the garage that is my life I look around to see what pile I want to tackle next and I decide that sometimes it is good to tackle things small bits at a time… so I’ll be back soon with another blog. Even though I do not blog often know that I am busy and that we are all trying to stay positive… soon I can post about my weight losses again and soon I will post a video of my beard journey. But for now I will leave with something that was written on the top of a journal I was given for a late Christmas present… it seems fitting:
SEIZE EVERY OPPORTUNITY.
LAUGH OUT LOUD AND OFTEN.
MAKE YOUR HEART SING.
DON’T WAIT FOR TOMORROW.
TODAY IS THE DAY.
As always thank you for reading and love each other.
Smile… it will cost you nothing and can change your life each time you do it.
This is dedicated to JZ a man who has forever changed the dirt in our lives… there is no dirt in the world like a little JZ dirt.