You know those cool coin collectors normally for a charity of some kind… you drop your coin in a slot and you are mesmerized at you watch it go around and around this funnel of sorts… the smaller the opening the faster the coin seems to go… round and round and round… until poof it stops and you hear a clink of metal as it falls and meets it fate with the rest of the wayward coins tossed to oblivion.
I fell much like that coin… I could blame the weather… or the holiday… I could blame TV and the advertisers… I could blame society… I could blame “the Man” who ever the hell he is… I could blame anyone I really feel like. I mean we live in that age where no matter who I blame someone will stand with me and pat me on the back and tell me, “It’s not your fault…” someone will stand there with me pretending to “help” me, telling me it is only natural I do what I do because of someone or something else, so I should not feel bad or be hard on myself… it’s to be expected… I am only human… no one is perfect… blah blah blah… these are things I will hear.
I call bullshit! Absolute 110% bullshit!
Ya know… it is my fault… I am to blame… and no I will not feel ok with it. I need to get pissed off, I need to feel bad, I need not to sugar coat the fact that for a moment I failed. I messed up… no one else to blame. No one shoved food in my face, no one forced me to eat, and no one stopped me from not working out and made me play video games all day. I did it. Just me… “The Man” well he was probably jogging and getting ready to screw someone else because I was an easy mark screwing myself over, I did not need any help.
Ok now that all that is out of the way… I know many people fall into the same trap… well meaning friends and family wanting to make you feel better, consoling you and telling you that tomorrow is a new day. Ya know tomorrow is not promised… spit the crap out and do 20 sit ups… get angry… do 20 pushups… get disgusted and go for a 5 mile walk… something other than getting complacent and thinking that it is ok. That it is normal to shovel loads of crap into your face and consuming 2 and 3 times your normal daily cal intake without lifting a finger to work out. That is not normal… that is making and keeping you fat. Yes FAT!!! Not kinda big… not fluffy… not full figured… FAT! I’m sick of this touchy feely being ok with who you are crap… if who you are, was great you could find clothes that fit…. If who you are, was awesome you could climb a flight of stairs without grabbing your chest… if who you are, was perfect you would look in the mirror and think “look at me I’m sexy”.
This weekend I dropped my coin in the collector it started out slow… bad food choices no exercise… then more bad choices… then more late night bad choices…. Pizza, cupcakes, candy, cookies, fast food, hot wings, chips, dip, soda, it just kept coming… and I told myself I had been so good for so long I deserved it… WHAT?? AM I STUPID? I have been good so I deserve it? Deserve to go backwards and mess up what I worked so hard to fix? Just because it starts out that I can’t ride my bike and snowballs from there… NO… it stops now!
It was my fault… I am to blame… I will fix it… I am angry!
Smile… let your anger at yourself fuel you to be better, instead of the pushing you to fail even more.